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When I was younger I had an innate ability to not give a crap about what any body thought of me…or so I thought. As I have grown older I realized it was a defense reflex. Reject them before they can reject you. If I told myself that I didn’t care what others thought then it couldn’t affect me. I am more of a people pleaser than I ever thought. Now I care too much what people think.
The problem is, I think there is a part of me that really DOESN’T give a crap what other people think and these two parts of me conflict all the time. If my subconscious thinks that I am giving in too much it attacks back with panic attacks, anxiety, plain old grumpiness and to use the french word “ennui”. I think the best definition of me is “hard as nails chick with an extremely guilty conscience.”
I am hoping that in 2010 I can learn to balance who I am, accept who I am and that people in my life can also do the same.
So here’s to a new year. 2010. May it be the best year ever.
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Anxiety is not pleasant. It’s very debilitating. People confuse it with depression. I found an article that is very enlightening.
FYI Here are symptoms of anxiety, I have them all:
| Physical symptoms of anxiety | Psychological symptoms of anxiety |
| Digestive upset such as nausea, vomiting, ulcers, acid reflux (GERD), bathroom “urgency” | Intense fear of death, dying, illness, injury to yourself or a loved one |
| Heart palpitations | Sense of impending doom |
| Hot flashes, or sweating | Insomnia |
| Increased heart rate | Irritability, rage, defensiveness |
| Elevated blood pressure | Shyness, avoidance of social interaction |
| Hyperventilation, shallow breating, light-headedness | Inflexibility, especially to last-minute changes |
| Trembling, shivering, “the jitters” | Food issues including overeating, not eating enough, and emotional eating |
